Caught in a Trap
Posted on August 29, 2014
Bridgette PlankingRecently I spent an amazing week in San Antonio with my sister and her husband. My husband and I stayed in one of her guest bedrooms. It was quaint and beautiful and was reminiscent of many B&B’s that we have stayed in over the years.
In our room, we were surrounded by many unique antiques. One was a mirror that stood tauntingly in the corner. When I would disrobe in the evenings to put on my pajamas, I would observe my thighs and butt in the old looking glass.
I don’t know about you guys, but have you noticed that in certain mirrors you look either fatter or slimmer in them than you do in your own mirror at home? Or have you noticed that your cellulite appears to be less visible or more visible? In fact, there are mirrors on this here planet that show that I have no cellulite at all. Dressing room mirrors are the worst since they are usually lit with the harshest of lightening. Getting naked in a department store dressing room is a florescent nightmare.
I like my mirror at home. I think it is honest. It doesn’t show me a flawless picture of myself, but a realistic one. However, the mocking mirror at my sister’s house was showing me a picture of myself that I did not appreciate. It was at this moment that I realized that I am caught in a trap.
I think about my body and how to improve it on a daily basis. I am sure I think about it way too much. I desperately want to be balanced and not even care about what the mirror shows me. But alas I do. I struggle to find the balance between being healthy and looking good. This war in my mind feels like bondage to me. Why do I find myself constantly focused on my appearance? Dear Reader, It’s not like you are ever going to see me naked!
You know who I secretly envy? The woman at the pool or the beach who does not have a beautiful body at all, but she doesn’t care. You can tell by the way she walks and the way she just lets it all hang out. I wish I could be like that. Instead, I am caught in a trap. Maybe over time, I will be able to get out. I want to be free.
With all my heart,